Imma Bad Boy! ....Mike Lowreys Blog

You know how I do...I Double UP!!!

Brand New Site……Same Ol’ Mike Lowrey!!!

I decided it was time to step up my pimp game to the next level and did a little redesign on the site
Let me know if you like this design better than the previous site.

Keep in mind the site is still a work in progress and things will change a little more.

I’ve added a few new items:

• Additional HTML support for comments
• New MS Vista like Navigation Bar
• Stat tracking
• Fewer Categories and more Tagging
• File Downloading
• Tag Cloud
• You can now see “Who else is online?”
• Next post to publish countown
• Music Player
• Gravatar support
• New Comments View

Much more to come as I further develop the new site.
Things are still just starting out so features may not all work, so shoot me an email if something doesn’t work properly and I’ll take a look.

Please remember to register again for email alerts and Avatar control.

Here’s a few pics from my winter white NYC trip:

From now on I’m checking the change I give Amira before I get cursed the Fugg out.

Lol, that shyt reminds me of this movie…
{Don’t act brand new like you’ve never seen Friday!}

I'd call him ex-Rep. Eric Massa

But shortly before the show a new rainbow colored shoe dropped about why Massa was really being
ousted as a member of Congress, he likes to tickle men and say naughty things to them.  Ha!

R.I.P. Corey Haim

Actor Corey Haim, 38, is dead after an accidental drug overdose.
A spokesperson for the Los Angeles County Coroner confirmed that Haim,
who battled substance addiction for several years, was found unresponsive in an Oakwood
apartment and pronounced dead at Providence St. Joseph’s Medical Center at 2:15 a.m. this morning.

Damn I always thought the other Corey would go first.

I’m really starting to think that the people of this planet are actually ‘tarded.

I don’t care if I’m drowning in a pool, trapped on an icy mountain and about to go into shock, dropped the damn soap in a shower at Rikers Island, or lost on an magical island in the South Pacific after a plane crash with  Kate, Jack, Hurley, Sayid, Locke and Sun….I do NOT this heffa looking for me. The bytch will neva find me on that damn Scoot-a-Round. Looks she can barely find the damn Cheerios!
If it takes her an hour to find some damn Apple Jack in the Cereal isle, what the fugg chance would I have of survival lost in a damn cave?

A better question is, “Is there a rest of the team or is she big enough to be the whole damn team?”

To Bill and my other Latinos and Hispanic peeps:

Can you understand why y’all be accidentally killin y’all kids and shyt or do I need to break it down?
NO you should not wrap a plastic ass grocery bag around your kids heads just because of a little damn drizzle.
Shyt, don’t do it if it is a huge ass rainstorm complete with tornadoes and hail.
The idea is just fuggin bad. Then y’all be standing up at court talking ’bout it was an accident.
I swear…do we need to start a charity called, “Umbrellas For Hispanics Fund”?

The next few things are for ladies.
And I’m sorry but this shyt needs to be said.

Ladies, please understand your body type.
There are just some things your ass needs not to wear!

Besides having the ability to make me throw up in my mouth a little,
this outfit is not flattering on this heffa.
Ladies do really wanna know why men are terrified of getting married? Take a good look.
This chick was probably a 5 star Stunna back 28 years ago when she was 18.
Now…just looking at her is giving me the bubble guts.

Black women love to make fun of White women having their kids in strollers until they are like 8.
But y’all are no better for tryna breast feed your little nuggets until his lil ass can recite Snoop Dogg lyrics.

This lil mufugger has got to be about 3. And he’s not pulling on that tidday cuz he’s a tit man.
Sad part is that there ain’t shyt in that shopping cart for his lil nugget ass.
It’s all for mama’s lactating big ass.
Not a damn can of Diet anything or Slim fast in the damn cart….Shyt!
If she didn’t have that lil fugger puller her tits apart maybe she wouldn’t need
to have a sign on her left tit that says, “Next tit 1 Mile →“.

Damn. This heffa needs to have a sign on  her chin that says, “Next tit 1 Mile ↓“.

Sad part is that she HAS a bra on.
Ladies if your saggy ass tiddays can easily rest on your stomach or your knees,
please see a plastic surgeon for a lift…
Or Lane Bryant for a better bra, preferably with titanium underwire…
Or better yet that indestructible metal alloy that Wolverine’s claws are made from in X-Men.

Ladies, please learn to tuck your gut in before going outside.
I’m just sayin…I’m neva taking pepto-bismo ever again in my life!
Please let this woman be half Kangaroo and have a fuggin Joey in her pouch!!
Ladies, if you have a burn on your gut from where it constantly rubs against your knees,
then I think you need a Richard Simmons Sweatin’ to the Oldies inter-fuggin-vention ASAP!

Only the grape crushing lady moaning tops this shyt.
This is a must see, your life won’t have any meaning unless you watch this
entire 3 minute video RIGHT NOW!!

The best shyt starts at the 2:00 mark but please watch the whole shyt to keep it in context.

Ok are you ready, here it is:

.
Now, the first time I watched this shyt I laughed so hard I needed to grab some napkins and clean up the drool from up off my desk.
I mean I was laughing so hard a snot bubble almost came out my damn nose.

Do you see what kind of bullshyt jumps off when folks from outside of the US watches dumb ass rap videos thinking the shyt is real life?

Shyt, C’mon Son!!

Fugg.

Damn.

My mind just stopped working after looking at this shyt.
I’m just saying how the fugg you gonna be a gangsta in those got damned tight ass shorts…Huh?
How the fugg is your hood name gonna be Shadrack, Meshack & Abednego??
Somebody please explain this!! Negro I ain’t in church stop that bullshyt!
I’ve never seen a ganga on skates. The shyts could have at least been inline skates!

Black folks please if you are going to be on youtube making all types of fools out of yourselves and our race…Please lotion up them ashy ass knees first!

{Mr. Lowrey drops the mike and hops off of his soapbox}

Why do…

White folks always gotta get fancy with simple shyt?

For example take this doorbell:

Mufugger I’m tryna get to your crib not take a damn MCAT
(lemme break it down for my ignant friends: Medical College Admission Test)

Why Do…

Asian folks always gotta go overboard with carrying shyt on a bike?

Is it me or do Asian folks need to keep some of the shopping carts they are
exporting to the US for themselves?

 Why do…

Rappers break out weed in every single place they go?
(including non-smoking clubs)

Aight...we know Juelz and Snoop can puff a cloud...But Toccara? Look at her eyes and fuggin kool-aid grin lookin at that blunt!!

  
Why does…

Everyone but Michelle still thinks Witty Hutton Whitney Houston is still smokin that stuff?

photo taken 2 weeks ago...damn shame. That ain't a weed high folks! And what is that green shyt in her hair??

 I was a bit torn on the next Why Do.
I couldn’t decided between 2 titles.
So I’ll give ya both and you choose which one fits better.

Why do……..

Why do….

Black dudes in Atlanta think they are in a sugary ass GayTopia and take being fruity to a whole ‘notha level of insanity
…better yet  a whole ‘notha level of Fruiticity (Mango you have permission to use my new word).

Grown ass men striking poses like this has got to be against some civil law, man law, commandment, FCC/SCC/HDTV/DTV/HDDVD/BluRay/POW violation or some shyt like that. I bet this picture breaks their parents mufuggin hearts!

 Why do…..

Italians from Jersey let the cast of Jersey Shore live?

I’m just saying that some of them mufuggers gotta have mob connections right?
Why not just put out a hit on them mufuggers.
Please put out a hit on them. I’ve never seen the show but I’m tired of hearing
about the damn show. 
Shyt, I should give up…call myself Juice Springsteen and start watching the shyt.
Hell No, Put the fuggin hit out already would’ya!

Here’s a picture of my dude Jack taken just yesterday:

Dude, I seriously think you need to either lay off the steroids or stop working out 10 hours every day.

Dude you’re ripped, we get it.
Please stop working out before you start tearing  up fuggin blood vessels!

Shyt that reminds me I need to put A1 sauce on the grocery list.

Apparently (using the new math)  Jon + Kate + 8 = Suicide.

At least that’s what Amazon says!

I’ve never really watched the show but apparently right after you purchase the DVD you get the urge to hang yourself.
The urge is so strong that you will then buy a stool to jump off of while trying to hang yourself.
If that’s not enough….Looking at Kate is soo damn annoying that you will also buy a damn ceiling fan
to tie the noose to while on the bar stool that you just ordered.

That’s some serious shyt right there folks.

Yeah my peeps, I was out at the club last night.
I swear I can never have more than 2 drinks at that place.
Damn you thick in the ass stiletto wearin heffas buying me drinks getting me all crunked…Damnith you!

Shyt folks,  I’ll try my best to get both my heads together and hit you with a CYHTCute post in a bit.

Philly to me is like a slight improvement over the bad side of DC.

Besides a damn cheesesteak and Will Smith…I’m not sure anything else from Philly is worth discussing.

Some folks say that people in the US are fat greedy hogs that can’t stop eating cheap unhealthy food.
I say bullshyt.

I’d like to give two (partially blocked) blood vessels up to the following product:

This product is for those of us who feel that salt alone isn’t working fast enough to give us high blood pressure.
This product combines the sweet taste of pork with the delicious taste of salt.
Then to add more flavor it comes in peppered and hickory flavors….can you say A-MAY-ZIN!!!

This is the best tasting product I’ve been able to find since Baconnaise:

You would think some Negroes came up with this shyt but I seriously doubt it.
This post goes into my White Behavior Tag…No discussion!

Sadly enough I figured I would get some haters to say stop, you don’t know White folks made these products.
So I looked it up. Actually the same person who made Baconnaise created Bacon Salt.
Even more surprising is the fact that he hasn’t died of a heart attack yet.

Here is the Co-Creater of both products:

For some reason I’m thinking this dude is from Ohio.

And I like Coke with my Henny. 
It was either make model cars or recycle the fuggers.

It takes way to much energy to put on my slippers and walk to the end of my driveway
to recycle the shyts, so it was a no brainer.

A flurry of blurry_ass photos have hit the internet claiming the first leaking of the Storm3.
Honestly I thought the Storm 1 should have been a slider for those who prefer a physical keyboard.

But leave it up to Microsoft RIM to wait until the 3rd release of something 2 years later to get shyt right.

Here’s a photo, this is the only photo on the internet of this new BB device.
 

After studying the photo I can pretty much confirm that this is NOT the BBS3.
But could be the new Bold or Curve!!
Storms don’t have trackpad navigation as shown above.

Since this is one of the only two photos (both blurry) this could just be a
photoshop to get BlackBerry Aficionados all worked up.

But I’ll keep my eye out in case this is the real deal.

Next up in BBerry News is the new BESx.

BES for BIS users.
How cool is that?

All I’m saying is that if a mufuggin asian chef or waiter gives you a look like so…
Just leave the restaurant! Cuz there’s nothing kosher about the food that this mufugga
is about to cook or bring to you. Save yourself a trip to the emergency room
and just walk out the place.

A woman who says Kanpai Japanese Steak and Seafood House refused her
service has started a petition to boycott the establishment.
But restaurant owners say they refuse to serve her simply
because she is such a poor tipper.

{Mike thinking to himself:
please don’t be Black…please don’t be Black…please don’t be Black…}

Shyt!

“I noticed on our ticket that they added 18 percent gratuity and there was
only two others with me at the time,” Covington said.

The restaurant menu clearly states that a 15 percent gratuity will be added
to parties of six or more. Covington said she complained, but paid anyway.

When she returned to the restaurant a month later, Covington said she was
informed that she would have to pay an 18 percent gratuity if she wanted to dine there.

“Before we could even get seated, we got into the door and they came to me
and said, ‘If you aren’t willing to pay the 18 percent gratuity, then we can’t
serve you,’” she said.

Covington said she felt slighted and decided to start a petition demanding fair business practices. So far, 300 people have signed.

Kanpai manager Michael Lam said Covington is a poor tipper, and after a
number instances of her failing to tip accordingly, the restaurant ran into problems.

“Yes, because we can’t keep continuing to serve her anymore because the
servers and chefs are not willing to serve her,” Lam said when asked if he
refused Covington service.

Lam said he’s shocked by news of the petition, which reflects poorly on his
business that has been in Winston-Salem for 13 years.

Winston-Salem attorney Carl Parrish said North Carolina law allows businesses
to dictate payment terms upfront and to refuse to serve customers who don’t
agree to the terms, as long as civil liberties aren’t in violation.

Ain’t that some shyt.
I’m just saying…I’ll be damned that you are telling me I can’t come into a
place because I won’t tip a waitress what you feel I should tip.
Tipping is optional and restaurants have started paying help less
and requiring tippers to pick up the slack that they are creating.
Shyt what’s next.. I gotta put my waitress on my W2 and provide the bytch healthcare?

A tip is not mandatory, but Black folks $2 isn’t a decent tip on a $45 bill!
Restaurant Folks please stop the bullshyt, if a tip is mandatory then
just add the shyt to the price of my meal and call it a day.

But as long as the mufugger is optional then I’ll tip or not tip as I damn well please.

I do know that after you visit a restaurant a couple of times – the servers
remember you, and should treat you pretty well.

I also know that Black people that come in, don’t complain about everything
under the damn sun, AND TIP more than 15%?
They are like mystical fucking unicorn!

Plus I reserve the right to deduct money from my tip for shyt I don’t like.

• Don’t smile – Deduct $1.30
• Don’t keep my glass filled – Deduct $1.27
• Bother the fugg out of me by keep coming over every 15 secs to see
  if I need anything else – Deduct – $2
• Not showing enough cleavage – Deduct $5

Yeah… I’ll tip nicely, but the service better be pristine and shyt…. word!
Let it be known that I don’t like this whole tip shyt, it is just an excuse to pay workers less!
I say let’s abolish the shyt like Slavery….{In my Moses voice} Let My People Go!